The Nature of God

It's true when wise people say that we all take our own path to God. My own path
has been an interesting journey. I started off in life not having a religion
crammed down my throat. My mother was raised in the Holy Roller church, and her
negative experiences with that turned her off to religion, but she still
maintained her spirituality. My father---the closest he came to anything
remotely religious is when he'd shriek 'goddamnsonofabitch' like it was one
syllable.
My mother would share her spiritual outlook if asked, but the whole topic of
religion and spirituality was left up to us to decide. We weren't discouraged or
encouraged either way. This approached proved to be rather helpful in that
ultimately I found my own path to follow.
I have always held a respect and reverance for Nature. I got this from my mother
would point out the beauty of Nature, and remind us we had to respect Her. There
would be many times that my mother would sudden pause us at the end of the day,
saying "Stop a moment," in a very serious tone, as if something were amiss. Then
she'd continue, "Do you smell that?" and she'd take in a long breath. "That's
the smell of spring," she'd say. For a moment our minds would turn away from
whatever thoughts we had, and we'd breathe in that smell that is truly spring.
All of the seasons have a smell, and so does the time of day. Through her
influence she taught me to notice the little details about Nature.
Every year I love watching the seasons cycle, and I try to stay attune to the
phase of the Moon. When my sister and I were close, we'd often go outside in the
summer, late at night, and just watch the sky. Seeing all of those stars is like
being in a time machine. All of that light takes so long to reach us, we only
see what once was and not how it is. One special night we saw the northern
lights.
For me, God was not a pleasant concept or word. While my family didn't promote a
religion, the community around me knew of only one religion,
Christianity---fundamentalist at that. Catholics were scarce creatures, and
there was only one family of Jews, and they kept to themselves. I could not warm
up to the concept of God being presented to me by the Christians around me
because it had no room for Nature, for tolerance, for spirituality, for
intellect, for Love, Peace, and Acceptance. Their God was the spiteful, killing,
and angry masculine God. It annoyed me that they wouldn't practice what they
preached, and condescended toward you if you weren't part of their church.
Mother Nature was real to me, She sustained all Life, was not judgmental. She is
accused of having wrath and fury against people (whenever a hurrican hits its
the wrath of Nature), but She does not have 'right' or 'wrong'. At the higher
spiritual levels the concepts of 'right' and 'wrong' no longer apply. It just
becomes either action or thought.
The Eastern philosophies agreed with my inner voice, and when I stumbled upon
the loosely used term 'Pagan' to describe the Goddess-based religions that
existed before Christianity, I felt like I was connecting to a religion that
echoed what I felt within me. Yet, I still did not uphold a belief in a God,
Goddess, singular Diety or creative power.
The word "agnostic" best applied to me. I simply did not know. Nothing in my
life had happened to me that made me feel like there was a God, but nothing had
happened either to make me feel like there wasn't a God, either. While I respect
and admire the Wicca/Pagan concept of the Triple Goddess (Virgin/Mother/Crone),
it just didn't mesh with my inner being. Neither did a strictly masculine god.
Then something happened that changed it all for me. I was reading Mary Summer
Rain---it had been years since I had picked up one of her books and I was
catching up on all that she had written. The way that she wrote about God, and
her relationship with God and the Universe and with Nature, got my soul
stirring. Maybe what I needed to do was simply stop doubting about their being a
God, but that didn't seem right either. It couldn't be forced, it had to be
felt.
My mind began to think about Nature, and how when I look at something so
beautiful like Mt. Rainier, I feel like I belong, that I am part of something
more than just my own being, and that feeling extends beyond the limitations of
the Earth or physical realm. This thought suddenly flashed in my mind: When I
look at the mountain, I am looking on the reflection of God.
Everything opened up inside of me, and I felt this presence like none other, and
it was within me and without me, it extended forever. It knew no time, it just
was and always has been. It is the All of Everything, the Essence of Nothing. In
that brief moment I had a glimpse of the Divine, the Creatrix of all that we
know. It is a feeling more than it being a faith, and from the feeling comes a
certain knowlegde and understanding.
Thus, for me Nature is God, and God is Nature. The creative force that gave us
life/existence also created the Reality in which we live. This physical state of
being resonates with the beauty and love of the Divine. To more accurately
describe how I see the physical realm is that we are a reflection of the
Creatrix. The trees, the mountains, the oceans, rivers, flowers, plants,
creatures, stars, and outer space are but a glimpse---an echo---of what God is.