October 2003 Archives

the date of this dream took place two days before my fiance got married the first time. is it mere coincidence that i had this dream so close to his nuptials?

7/13/98

I had two connected dreams this morning. The first was about the person I feel that I'm soon going to meet that I feel will be a potential lover, only I don't want one. Some of the dream details were fuzzy, but the most impressionable thing was that he is a doctor. i could feel his soul/personality in the dream. he is like someone I know---have known. Yet, I can't quite place him. The second dream I was at Home Burrough [my name for my familial childhood home] in the living room off of the kitchen. Lisa [my sister] was there with the 'mystery man', and the third person was an amalgam of Ron and Corey [Corey being my first husband/lover, Ron being my second].

The Ron/Corey person was altering my consciousness by making weird objects suddenly appear and from from his mouth. Meanwhile Lisa was setting up some sort of stuff to further aid in our shifts of consciousness. She was talking about Autumn, a girl Corey new around the time of our separation/divorce.

I felt my consciousness shift, and details of what happened are blurry, and involved Ron a lot. I was with him and we were trying to be sexual with one another, but the energy/feelings weren't there anymore (it didn't feel right), and so our efforts didn't go anywhere. I then recall looking at this mystery man and he was a shadowy figure---dark and silhouetted. I couldn't get a good look at him as I just couldn't seem to focus on him. He seemed small for a man. My instinct tell me to not allow him to disrupt my life. I feel uneasy about him because he would only serve to break apart Ron and me.

Some comments on this dream. I had felt at the time that the mystery man, aka my future lover, was a doctor, but that was what I applied to him at the time because I was making an assumption based upon my desire to go to medical school. What I felt from him was a strong, ability to heal people through energy/auras.

At the time, I realized that my relationship with Ron was breaking down, that we were no longer looking in the same direction, yet I could not bring myself to break off the relationship just yet. I wasn't ready to let go, for we had been together for seven years. Eventually I did come to realize that my path was traveling in a different direction, and my relationship with Ron ended. Shortly after that relationship ended I met my fiance.

this dream is from my dream journal. i still wonder what i was supposed to do, but maybe things worked out on their own.

6/11/98

I dreamt in one dream I had joined in this family's gathering, and was entertaining two young girls with using my hands as puppets. Then I went home to The Cabin where I was fuzzing with Mommy [Mommy was the nickname of my cat and fuzzing with her meant she was on my lap and I was bestowing large amounts of affection on her], and I thought I was awake. I started hearing a baby crying, and realized some of the people at the party had followed me home. Upstairs the one girl was there, and when Ron [former friend] woke up, he was startled by her presence. I went upstairs and told him she was from my dream and that she came out of it into reality ("waking world").

She and I then realized we had a mission to perform. We were to go back to 1804 to correct something in the time-line, only we didn't know what it was that needed correcting. We found ourselves back in 1804. She was still a female, but I was dressed as a male---and I think I was physically a male, but still have my female consciousness [my current awareness].

We were in this house were the lady of the home was showing us things on a tray. Then the dream fades.

I recall from this dream that I was concerned about not fitting in to the time period, that somehow I would give myself away. I recall asking the young girl if there was any way in which we would screw up the time-line that would result in a paradox, and she indicated that we wouldn't.

I have no idea who the people were in this dream, or who I was supposed to be. I am a bit annoyed that the dream ended just as the transfer back to 1804 had started.

Last night I started checking out more about Kimball, Texas, because it was really sticking in my mind about the whole dream experience regarding Annie. I was encouraged by my positive hits that Kimball was a real town at one time, and that the images I had in the dream were translating into reality.

I contemplated my dream again, and was remembering some details that I did write about. Two such details were that I kept thinking the town was in the panhandle of Texas, and I had this strong feeling of 'panhandle' as far as geogrraphy goes. Second strong feeling was the name Lubbock, and I translated this to mean it was near Lubbock the city. So I had 'panhandle' and 'Lubbock' in my mind from this dream, but not knowing what it all meant. As I have explored this, I found out that the town of Kimball is very near the Oklahoma panhandle, and today I discovered a web site that shows old photographs of the town and the main road in the town was called Lubbock Street!

From the photos posted on the above linked page, I would have to say that the images I got in my mind of how Kimball looked in my dream matches up to what it is in reality. I've been still trying to find some information on Annie, but haven't had much luck. I would like to confirm her 'realness' but don't know if I should spend the money to get a birth and/or death certificate from the state.

I wish I could afford to actually go to the town and check it out, as well as visit the Bosque County courthouse to view the records and see what history I can find still there. The town has become a park, and so I wonder if any cemeteries still exist? If there is a historical society there, I wonder if they would have a photograph of Annie? She did say that if I went looking for her records I would find her as well as a picture of her.

This isn't the first time I've had dreams in which I meet people and we spend some time together. I have had 3 other unique dreams in which I met total strangers and we talk and converse and I awoke knowing that these were real people whom I may eventually meet in the waking world, or perhaps not. In those dreams I didn't get their names or anything that would identify them to me. One such dream involved a young boy and we talked for hours, but now I can't recall the conversation. I just recall asking him at the end if he was a real person who actually existed (in the waking world) and he told me yes, and that we may meet again some day.

The second involved a young girl who I so much wanted to be her friend, and she wanted me to be her friend as well, and it was just known that she was a real person in the waking world.

The third such dream involved a young girl and her grandmother who deliberately contacted me through my dreams, I think for the point of just contacting me to see if it could be done, and it was a pleasant visit with them both, and I think that they exist in the waking world, but I really didn't ask.

I should comment that I meet 'strangers' all of the time in my dreams and we talk, interact, and that sort of thing. There was one person whom I did meet first in a dream and I do feel that I met her in person. Her name is Carol and I'll tell that experience in a future post.

i was looking through my dream journals recently as i was incited by jeff's inquiry about the unusual things i have experienced on a spiritual level. i found this one dream that i wrote about to be very strange and worth sharing.

11/19/00

I'm at my mother's house and in my old bedroom is another accessable through the closet. This room does exist in the physical---maybe it's there in some other realm.

Anyhow, Missy [my mom's nickname] says she can't go into the room because there are evil presences, or spirits. She tries to enter the room, but a force throws her out. She wants me to do something [about it]. I tell her I'm not her choice. She is disappointed, so I try to make her feel better. I go to the door and try to enter. I feel this force pushing on my chest, so I try speaking, and the force is so strong that I can bearly utter. But I keep persisting. I can't recall verbatim what I say to the entity, but I know that my message had something to with loving it, and then I illuminated myself with Love, letting it feel Love and knowing that I was with God. This calmed the restless spirit. She then let me enter the room. Mom and I then went inside the room. As we were looking around, I was sensing to see if the spirit had moved on.

Suddenly, a porcelain box on the table moved, and then I knew the spirit was still there. Then to let her know I was there, too, I made the box move and even made it come to me. Then I showed Mom how I could make things come to me, or move without touching them.

The spirit then shower herself to me. At first she was shadowy, more disembodied still, and she talked to me. She said she was from a place called Kimball, Texas---what sounded like Kimball---could be Kendall----but undoubtedly Texas. She said her name was Annie---or that was what she wanted to be called. I didn't get her last name. I got this visual from a notebook she had written in that showed what appeared to be her birth year and year of death. 1903-1958. She said that if I would look for her records that I'd be able to find her---even a picture of her.

Then she & I were at a table. She was in a body now, one that looked familiar to me. Jeff [my brother] was there, and Annie started talking to Jeff is a highly familiar way, telling him things and acting as if he should know them. Jeff was looking dumbfounded at Annie and I asked him way, and he said,"What's gotten into Kirsten [Kirsten is my technical step-sister, but I've only met her a few times]?" Then it dawned on me that the familiar person was indeed Kirsten's body, but Annie had taken it over.

I asked Annie if she had done that, and she said she had---that Kirsten had consented. And then I asked Annie why the haunting, and she said she wanted to contact Jeff, that she and he were together in that life, and that she was jealous of Lauren [Jeff's wife]. I tried to soothe her, but she was not open to it. I thought to myself how the haunting made sense, how they seemed to coincide with Jeff & Lauren getting together.

Jeff was dismayed, not remembering anything from that life---and he was clueless. I tired to convey to Annie that she needed to move on, then the dream ended.

I didn't add it to my dream notes, but I recall this dream because of it's strong impressions. I recall seeing an image of Kimball, Texas in my mind, seeing it as a small town that was like a ghost town now but used to be a town with an active population. I had also gotten the impression that Annie's last name was Ramirez or something along those lines, starting with an R sound and sounding like a Spanish surname.

Well, today when I found this dream entry I noticed that I had never researched to see if there is or was a town in Texas called Kimball or Kendall. So I went to Yahoo maps and typed in Kendall. No such town. Then I thought I'd try Kimball because that was what she had told me and what I visually saw in the dream, too. Guess what? There is a town called Kimball, Texas! I even found a historical account of the town.

I am not sure why I didn't follow through with researching the details of this dream. It would seem that at least the information I received about the town is true, so logic would follow that the information about Annie could be true. I did a search of the Social Security Death Index, which does not contain all deaths, but I checked to see what came up for 'Annie Ramirez'. I did find an 'Annie Ramirez' born in 1903, but her death year was listed as 1984. I did not find any Annies who died in 1958. The database is not complete because I could not find my deceased uncle, nor a few other expired people that I know of who should be listed.

This dream is curious indeed with the exact information that it gave me. Maybe eventually I will come across the information that will prove of Annie's existence, but for me the dream itself is proof enough to know that she was real.

Today I made Kraft macaroni & cheese (it comes in a blue box) for my late lunch, and as I was falling into a hypnotic trance from its Technicolor™ hue, I thought back to how when I was visiting with Megan a series of orange foods kept cropping up into my awareness, prompting me now to address the very oddity of said colored foods. First, a list of common garden-variety orange foods.

* Cheetos
* cheddar cheese
* macaroni & cheese
* orange soda
* pumpkins
* oranges and all of their products
* artificially flavored orange products, such as orange Jello, orange Tootsie roll pops, and orange slices
* Gatorade
* orange colored peppers

Unless I am missing an entire food group, the list of orange foods are primarily manufactured foods and are not naturally occurring. I suppose in certain circles the color of salmon could be classified as a type of orange, but since I find salmon to taste as if it lived in the water too long, I shall completely ignore it.

It should be noted that my temporary obsession with orange foods is dervied from the fact that out of all of the colors in the spectrum I despise the color orange. It is a color that makes me violent. I find nothing soothing about it, even when it is dulled as an earthtone. No other words rhyme with it, so even the poet must feel enraged by this wicked color! Hunters are required to suit up in orange simply because of the fact that nothing in nature is so obvious and vulgar (I mean the color and the hunters on this one, so score two for one thought here).

I just thought of something else that is orange: oompa-loompas! Though not a food, they were connected to food manufacturing, and so this gives them an honorable mention.

ok, my brain has had too much time to ponder stuff, so I get into these thoughts which are my mental lint. what exactly does it mean to balance one's karma? Karma translates to mean deed or action, so it is the application of the basic spiritual principles in which to live by, e.g. the golden rule, unconditional Love and Goodness, etc.

So, it would seem that the point then to balancing out our karma is to either (a) have a 50/50 mixture of good and bad deeds or actions; or (b) nearly 100% good deeds or action. I am stuck trying to figure out what the whole 'balancing act' (ha, pun intended) is supposed to be about. Somewhere in my mind I've picked up the idea that in order to return home to the Divine (that is, become a completed soul and break free of the birth-death cycle) that we must become pure again. Would this mean being as totally 'good' as possible, or is it simply enough to be about 50/50? If the Divine created all that we see and hear, then it is logical to conclude that She is both Good and Evil, Love and Hate. Does that mean we are to also be in this seemingly contradictory state of existence in order to go home?

Another thing is, karma isn't exactly like Newton's Third Law, that for every action there is an equal and opposite reaction. If in this life you are a hateful, angry person who likes to sling verbal insults that doesn't mean that in the next life you'll be on the receiving end of such abuse. As how I understand it, you can 'balance out' such karma in this life through 'good' actions or deeds, or perhaps in the next life you will be a person who is dedicated to helping people not be angry assholes who sling verbal assaults. There seems to be the notion that through karma we have the potential to learn life lessons if our free will permits us to, and often it seems the reason we don't permit ourselves to learn these life lessons has to do with Ego being so full of self that it won't permit anything that will in any way diminish Its importance.

Is the real culprit then our Ego and not our free will? The spiritual philosophy of surrender to a higher power, to your higher self, or to become the no-self in Eastern thought, all points to the abandonment of the Ego and a return to the One. Does then karma prepare us to release ourselves from the grip of the Ego/Self? I think that it does, that by doing kind acts and by being kind and loving, the Ego can't help but to dissolve away leaving our purest state of being: a Light of the Divine.

The book I bought that answers pithy questions about life by way of citing Edgar Cayce's readings has proven to me to ring with a lot of Truth. The concept of Christ consciousness was what I read about last night, and it is a type of consciousness innate to us all, even if we aren't aware of it, it resides within us. This would mean that even an athiest can tap into this consciousness and lead a spiritual sound life. I've come to the conclusion that a belief in the Divine is not necessary to balance out karma or live in Love. In fact it would seem to be that if a person lived truly in a state of Unconditional Love and Kindness that they would naturally be alignment with the Divine and through that alone come to know the Christ consciousness.

Back in my agnostic (and sometimes almost atheistic) days of spiritual exploration, I believed in the existence of a soul and that I also knew that to be spiritual meant to live kindly and to do good. I wasn't yet aware of the Love aspect, but I was aware of the Golden Rule and did my best to follow that ideal. I was most attracted to Buddhism because it spoke of living spiritually without having to praise any god figure, and the whole singing of hymns and the preaching of fire and brimstone was something that was repulsive to me—it didn't reflect how my internal spiritual being felt.

Zen Buddhism is like trying to solve a brain-teaser, and the harder it seemed to be the more I liked the challenges it presented. The whole concept of Buddha-nature enchanted me, for I really didn't understand what it meant and so I let it go. It wasn't until I had my major epiphany that I came to the understanding that one's Buddha-nature is the same as Krishna consciousness and Christ consciousness.

Mitochondrial Eve

This morning Pooky was channel surfing and paused briefly on either The Learning Channel or Discovery as there was this blurb about where we all come from, a woman named 'Eve' who lived in Africa tens of thousands of years ago. A scientist who has done mitochondrial DNA mapping of numerous

people of African and European ancestry discovered that our origin can be traced back to this one woman. It made me think of how in all of my biology textbooks that the mitochondrion is depicted as being organge. I wonder why it was assigned this color? I'm not fond of orange so I suppose that is my reason for mentioning this peculiar color-coding of cell organelles.

Be that as it may, it made me think of this person's website I came across when I was looking for some understanding of why people hate. There was this person who fully admitted to hating and used the Bible as his defense for his hatred. One of his beliefs was that black people were created after white people, and he somehow managed to dredge up some kind of Biblical implication this was true, but he couldn't actually muster up an actual passage that says this. I'm sure this deluded person would deny the scientific findings that it was indeed black people that we originated from. Long before the whole mitochondrial DNA and Eve theory came into being, biologists felt that our origins were in Africa and that white skin is merely a mutation, or better put, and adaptation, to living in a northern, colder climate. Plus, the skeletal remains of the oldness known humans and humanoids have been found in Africa.

The quest to discover our origins is fascinating, and personally I feel that there is more to be revealed once we get over our prejudice toward extraterrestrial life. If the current scientific measurements are accurate, our Earth is about 5 billion years old. The Universe as we known it is around 15 billion years old. Wouldn't it seem highly likely that life started elsewhere and then those people 'johnny appleseeded' their way around the galaxies?

I am not sure why our government and other national governments are so worried about 'national security' and the need to cover-up any evidence of ETs. There will also be those people who wig out over that kind of information being verified, but I think many people would accept it and feel a sense of not being so alone in the Universe.

in a little more than 3 months Pooky & I will be tying the knot, and the thought has run through my mind about the whole surname change custom. While I doubt Pooky would give up his family name entirely and become Mr. Carlson like everyone calls him now whenever I go to the hospital or we shop at Safeway, perhaps he would consider becoming Carlson-Jarvis or Jarvis-Carlson. If we put Carlson first then we'd both be alphabetically near the top. Not that it's really important where you fall in the scheme of the alphabetic order.

It seems to freak people out the notion for a man to take on his wife's name, but no one bats an eye if the woman changes her name. I caused a very big rucous one day in my Women In American History class. We were to cover an article in this book and I had the pleasure of talking about Lucy Stone, an outspoken American woman who didn't change her surname. When I finished my report I was then to open up a discussion. Did I ever open a can of worms! I didn't think it was such a big deal, but all of these wanna-be liberated women said that they would take their future husband's last name! I was shocked beyond belief! Not one of them saw a reason to keep their maiden name. Maybe it was because I was in Pennsylvania and the area was predominately Republican. Who knows?

Anyhow, when I got married at 17, I didn't take on his name for a few reasons. First, I liked my name. Second, no one knew how to pronounce or spell his name. (In case you're curious it was O'Lague.) Third, I knew the marriage wouldn't last and didn't want the double hassle of changing everything back once the marriage ended.

If I am going to be legally bound to Pooky, I think we should both take on each other's name. It only seems appropriate because we are becoming a unity, a partnership, and most importantly a family. I found what one woman had written about with her husband taken on a combined hyphenated name.

I had this dream the other morning about being on the seventh floor in this house that was my father's home, and what was weird about this house was that this particular level of the house was huge! It was like a warehouse and it had rows of shelves, all stocked with dry goods. I remember thinking to myself what were on the other levels, and did he have as much food stored? Then I wondered why he had so many supplies stored away and there were all of these people milling around who worked there. I distinctly recall the elevator that displayed a number seven on it. When I then recalled the dream and the oddness of it, I recalled that in dream symbology that the house represents the body and/or the spirit. The seventh floor corresponds to the seventh chakra, as I interpret what my dream was about. This chakra pertains to spiritual awareness, i.e. consciousness. It is apropos that I dreamt about this chakra as lately I've been thinking about what it means to go within to find the knowledge and wisdom we seek.

What is also interesting about this dream is that I feel that what was represented by my father isn't really my father, but my father in the sense of the masculine aspect of the Divine. When I was thinking about what this dream meant I thought of the Biblical passage: "In my Father's house are many rooms," This can mean many different things.

One meaning is that in the body there are the different chakras. It can also mean that in Reality there are many different planes of existance and dimensions.

This morning I had a dream about my previous significant other. In this dream he revealed to me that as a child his parents made him take on the identity/persona of a girl, not allowing him to be a boy, because it has something to do with his mother. His name was even changed, and the name was Tamarind with a surname that I can't remember. He said that he was a childhood actress and singer, and that if I doubted him I could look up the name on the Internet. I asked him why he didn't tell me this before, why did he keep this a secret from me, and he had no answer. It wasn't that he was ashamed of this previous identity, and that when his stardom waned his family allowed him to return to being a boy. A tamarind is a fruit that is eaten a lot in India and southern Asian countries. I have tried to find what it might mean as a dream symbol, but no such luck. I've never eaten a tamarind, but know of them.

What was also odd about this dream was why his family switched his identity to that of a girl. My previous significant other had mentioned that his mother wished him to be a girl, and perhaps this was just coming through in my dream. I think the whole thing about him being secretive reflects upon how he never really told me much of anything about his family. He never spoke of them, he never shared pictures of them, or told me anything about his life, other than a few basics. In my mind I think he had something to hide, otherwise he would have said more about them. I couldn't meet his family because they were all dead.

The my dream switched to having something to do with the astral plane being only one of many states of consciousness that we can go to, and I was trying to find out what the others were.