Seven Days of Farewell

I've decided to be a little ceremonial, sentimental, thoughtful, and meaningful. In 7 days I won't have my rectum anymore and my bathroom habits will be forever changed. Over the next 7 days I plan to have an entry per day to say good-bye to my behind. I may be serious, I may be silly. All will depend on the mood I'm in at the time.

Today's Good-Bye: Day 7

It was 10 years ago, June 4th or 5th of 1995, that I was last cut open from stem to stern for a pouch revision. I awoke with my second temporary ileostomy (the surgeon said it was a 50-50 that I could have a second one). At that time I recall saying to myself that there was no way on earth I'd ever have a permanent ileostomy because I felt there was a psychological need to defecate anally.

I think that need to defecate anally was triggered by the fact my rectum was still intact and the nerves were all in place. Will I have phantom rectal sensations after the surgery? It could be possible as anything is possible when it comes to the body. I had phantom stoma sensations around the stoma site for about a year off and on.

What amazes me is how I've gone from heels dug deep in the mud stance of "permanent ileostomy: NEVER!" to "I can't wait to close up shop!" A decade of time does make a difference; all of the experiences with rectal dilitations, abscesses, pain, medications, and never really having my health under control. Pain is a great motivator for change. The pain of the ulcerative colitis in my gut was the impetus for me to have surgery. I have a need to have life without pain. It saddens me a bit that in order to be alleviated from the pain I have to exchange it for a body part. First my colon, then my rectum. A loss for a gain.

In one week I'll say good-bye to reading on the toilet and hence forth carry with me an ostomy supply bag and keep a change of clothing in the trunk of the car. I may have to buy some new clothing to accommodate the ostomy bag, but I'll wait and see. Everyone tells me I can wear regular form-fitting clothes.

I wonder how long I'll be out of commission for sex? There is going to be a lot of work done down below and on my gut. I don't like going more than a week without conjugal entertainment—even the non-coital alternatives may not be appealing. The last time I had this operation done I wasn't sexually active. I have no prior experience to draw upon.

As a systems thinker in training I've noticed a pattern in my surgeries. My first was in 1990, then in 1995, and now in 2005. I don't think there is any hidden numerological connection—but it is intriguing that the years work out to be five and ten respectively.