Notes from The Hospital

First let me explain that the Food Network was replaced by The Newborn Channel on the hospital TV. Yes, it does seem confounded that I was barfing and unable to eat and that I watch the Food Network. Since this channel was unavailable to me I reconnected with my love of Little House on the Prairie. The Hallmark Channel broadcasts it 4 times a day.

My reacquaintenance with Michael Landon as Pa Ingalls and Melissa Gilbert as Laura got me thinking about my visit to three of the real Laura's homes in May of 2002. Afficianados of LIW know that the TV series took great poetic license with her life, but what is interesting to note is that Laura herself took poetic license with her own life. I didn't know this until visiting her actual domiciles and buying supplemental booklets about her real life. This explains why her books were considered historical fiction and not autobiographical.

Important realization: Mrs. Oleson is a bona fide Shrone.

I previously mentioned that at the hospital I could order food by phone and have it delivered within 30 minutes. This was rather *spoiling* to say the least. But something quirky came about. The doctor wanted me to supplement my eating with Ensure to make sure my calories were adequate. I didn't know this until I started receiving glasses of the stuff. At first they brought me strawberry flavor. YUCK! So I asked if I could get chocolate. Not a problem! I was told. For three days I still kept getting strawberry or vanilla until it was finally resolved. Note to the food industry: Please, don't make strawberry flavored anything.

When I felt like eating again I had a dire craving for a club sandwich.

Important information about myself that I learned: How to make Lori instantly vomit: Just add intravenous morphine!

When I was first admitted to the hospital the nurse said she'd get me some pain medicine. She brings in a syringe of morphine. I say I thought the doctor ordered Demerol because I can't do morphine and before I could say "stop" she had injected it into me. Within 10 seconds I was spewing. She then immediately went and called for a change in order for a different medicine. It was then that I was introduce to the bliss of hydromorphone (Dilaudid) which is like morphine without the barfing. This stuff is likened to heroin. Hmmm. No wonder it makes you feel so happy.

A peripheral IV in my left hand infiltrated and after it was pulled my hand turned purple-blue within 10 minutes. The hand was swollen to about 2-3 times its normal size. I was given an antibiotic since the hand became infected. I had no use of my hand or arm for about 3 days. As a result of the vascular damage to my hand and arm, I believe I will have permanent "spider veins" on my forearm and top of the hand. The bruising discoloration has healed.

The antibiotic they gave me caused me to develop a rash on my fingers that resembled "pickle skin". It was bumpy and itchy. It went away once the antibiotic was stopped.

My dearest friend Pibb called me one day to see how I was doing. She asked me if I named my IV pole. I said no, but I did refer to it as my dance partner. Because I was on TPN (total parenteral nutrition) I needed a special IV pump that could handle 3 lines of fluid. I had a special pole, too. I had Pooky take a picture of the set-up.

My sodium levels were low so the doctor told me to eat more salt and to salt my food. I said I already do that but that acquiring salt in the hospital was difficult. Salt acquisition became and ongoing struggle.

People always complimented me on the PJ's I wore. I have Pillsbury Doughboy, Trix Rabbit, Wienermobiles, Lucky Charms, and many more.

Not being able to crochet, I passed the time watching really weird movies on TV. I learned about what was happening in the world, that is received my daily news by watching Entertainment Tonight. I was not impressed with the engagement of Tom and Katie, nor am I whooping over the 24 karat diamond Paris got from Paris. Burning celebrity question. Since Paris and Paris are getting hitched will they name all of their children Paris, too? I think the two of them are only smart enough to know how to spell just one name, so the answer is yes.

When a baby is born in the hospital over the PA system the lullabye song plays. One morning when I heard it go off I thought: Why don't they play a dirge when someone dies? Yeah, I know we have this death-thing in our culture, but really. I like circle of life closure bit, and for me if we are going to bless someone coming into the world why not bless someone going out, too? I think I'll write my letter to the hospital board and see what they say...

In addition to having a need for a club sandwich, I really needed broccoli cheddar soup. I sent Pooky on a mission from God to find me a bowl of it. A decent cup of it can be found at Quiznos.

Last but not least I'd like to mention my roommates. My first roommate I fear may have passed on. She first came in with pneumonia, went home for 2 days and fell breaking her hip and wrist. While in the room with me she developed a bowel obstruction and they told her she needed emergency surgery and may not live. She was whisked away to the ICU.

My next roommate had a knee replacement and had 5-6 visitors at a time. She was cranky, but didn't watch much TV. The next roommate was very nice and quiet. The one after her was in briefly and was a bit loud, but only in the volume of how she talked. My last roommate was a bit fussy regarding her pain medication, but eventually calmed down. Overall I didn't have the roommate from hell.

And now for the pictures. Yes, I am showing my shame. I need a haircut and dye job and to gain back the 16 pounds I lost.