Feline Gastric Inversion Syndrome

As a dedicated feline maintenance worker of over twenty years, I have identified and categorized a syndrome unique to Felis domestica, which I have named Feline Gastric Inversion Syndrome (FGIS).

There are five distinguishable stages of this syndrome which are outlined as follows:

Stage 1: Forlorn and Pitiful Looks

The sydrome begins when the food dish is almost or completely empty. Felis domestica will notice that status of the food dish which prompts them to behave with dis-ease and looking up at the feline maintenance worker with a pitiful or forlorn expression that indicates they are aware that the kibble or tuna bowl has become depleted.

At this stage the brain of Felis domestica transmits a neurological signal that activates specialized receptors within the stomach lining that subsequently produce a hormone that will commence a type of muscle contraction that results in the final gastric conversion at the end of Stage 5.

The stomach may still contain food recently eaten, but this hardly matters to the awareness of Felis dometica. A depleted food dish indicates that the entire world is now void of any nourishment. If the situation is allowed to continue, Stage 2 will follow within one to two hours.

Stage 2: Vocalization

If the feline maintenance worker has failed to replenish the food dish, Felis domestica will emit short to sustained vocalizations, commonly referred to as "caterwauling" in the attempt to rouse the worker into dispensing more food.

The muscular contractions of Stage 1 intensify while any contents of the stomach is rapidly emptied. The stomach of Felis domestica in this stage is preparing to undergo a phenominal tranformation of turning itself inside out.

Stage 3: "Dying"

The vocalizations can escalate to the point where the Felis domestica will sound as if it is "dying". The previous facial expression of Stage 1 will also be employed to culminate in a fanastic display of misery and imminent death.

If you provide maintenance to multiple members of Felis domestica, they will begin to swarm. Swarming can also include Felis domestica to suddenly drop and roll into a supine position exposing the abdomen region for petting.

The stomach has cramped sufficiently to cause the ends of the stomach to roll up that will ripple across the organ and will induce the inversion.

Stage 4: Last Resort: Love Attack

If food has not been dispensed at this critical, life-threatening stage, Felis domestica will lapse into a "wild" phase of part attack and part unrelenting affection. Death is imminent if food isn't immediately dispensed. Using the last reserve of energy as a last ditch effort, Felis domestica will rub against the legs and accessable body parts of the maintenance worker in an overly loving and affection manner with loud, ceaseless purring, trilling, and "big eyes", with shameless displays of the abdomen for rubbing. All acts of an affectionate nature by Felis domestica will continue until food is dispensed. The love and affection will feel like lint sticking to a velvet coat.

The stomach, now partially inverted, rubs against the sharp, bony spine of Felis domestica. As the stomach rubs against the backbone, Felis domestica is acutely aware of the gastric inversion process.

Stage 5: Death or Slaying

If Felis domestica is deprived of food past Stage 4, then death or slaying will commence. If the gastric inversion is complete, resulting in the total inversion of the gastric organ, Felis domestica will spontaneously and ceremoniously succumb to death.

If the gastric inversion is incomplete, Felis domestica will kill the maintenance worker in cold blood as it sleeps. A blood bath will be discovered by the authorities when the neighbors complain of a sharp, ripe odor polluting the neighborhood. Felis domestica will be hiding and most likely will resist capture for the crimes committed.

Warning: Do not let Stage 5 be reached!