A Year Ago

Tonight was the end of the first module for the 2nd years at LIOS. I recall how a year ago how I felt when I first came home after this unique experience. I felt like I had gone to another world and when I came home everything looked so different. I hadn't ever been away from the cats or Pooky that long. I knew I was embarking on a journey of intense growth and transformation, and looking back now I can see how far I've travelled on that path.

I feel so sad being ripped from it. I am very riled by the fact that my professors didn't contact me with formal letters saying I wouldn't be allowed to continue in the program; that I found out this information from a secretary of sorts! I'm angry that they are using my recent hospitalization as reason to keep me from continuing my education.

I think about the new students who started this week. I was so looking forward to meeting them, to having one of them pick me as their mentor for the year. I was looking forward to starting my internship, and finally realizing the end of my academic persuits (for awhile) and starting on a career next June.

What keeps me from thrashing around with a foamed mouth is that there is hope that I can rejoin the program in January and graduate in December. This single thought is what keeps me from imploding or exploding, whichever is easier to do.

Being kept from school for a whole year, I fear that I'll be plunged into a darkness that I will allow to consume me. it hurts too much to explain why being held back feels like a deliberate attack.

Regardless of the outcome of the upcoming meeting with my professors this Saturday, they have a lot of explaining to do. I've found too many inconsistencies in what has been told to me. I want answers. And if I need to, I will play my disability card to the maximum.

Enough said about this. It is depressing me, and I have wonderful news to share.