Old and Inferior

Today I'd like to rip out my uterus and see what the hell is going on with it. For the past month it has been doing a threatening sort of twinge and cramp, with each day I feel more and more pre-menstrual but with nothing happening to bring sweet relief from the pangs and moodiness of whacked-out hormones. I just know next week while I'm away at Module the dam will burst and I'll feel like the spawn of Satan unleashed to wreak havoc on the world. My head will spin; split pea soup will spew; a blood-bath will be reported on the local evening news.

Ever since going stomated, I've dreaded having my period because that means wearing undies (I'm not a tampon girl) and I've grown accustomed to being footloose and fancy-free, but more importantly, I haven't found any undies that feel right since all of them either squash up the ileostomy bag or ride beneath the flange making it feel like the bag will pop off. I may have to reconsider the use of tampons...NOT!

Besides, everything down there feels tightened up as if it had been placed on a reproductive Medieval torturing rack, only instead of stretching it was scrunching.

While I don't mind the occasional deja vu, I keep having these bodily and mental moments of reliving being sick like I was during the summer, and I feel haunted and disturbed by it. It's going to take awhile for these memories to become blurs, and it can't happen fast enough. I think what was worse for me was the fever/sickness I had last month that was either the flu or a UTI. That was more unbearable than my time in the hospital.

Being I'm in a twisted mood, I'm trying to make sense of the comments left regarding my mother's business practice of charging more when putting an item on sale. If I may correct myself, I'd rather say she is acting selfish as opposed to greedy, for her attitude about it comes across as being selfish. I'm not rescinding she has a greedy streak, however. She does.

I take issue with her deception. Instead of marking up the price through a supposed sale, why not just remark the price and announce "Now $3.99!" She doesn't always put up a big sign to draw attention to a product, so perhaps doing just that will work.

I have no issue with her raising her prices in order to stay in business. It is how she goes about raising them that I think is wrong on so many levels. What is even more disturbing is that she shows no care or concern about it being deceptive, which is why I feel it is being selfish. It's like she wants to purposefully bilk people, to find the suckers in the crowd.

Setting prices is a tricky aspect of doing business. Where her shop is at the local people won't pay Seattle prices. That means she has to sell more yarn at lower prices, and with a new Michael's opening up, she's got that type of competition to deal with.

But, if her customers catch on to her being deceptive in the end I think she'll gain a negative reputation. She already has it set in her mind that all women are completely stupid and she will treat them as such simply because they fail to catch on quickly how to read a pattern or pick up how to cast on in knitting that she feels is the one and only way to cast on.

I've seen how she'll be incredibly rude and disrespectful to people whom she's instantly labeled as being "stupid." And if she doesn't think they are stupid, then she will cast another judgement against them that is just as negative. If I hear one more sexist remark out of her mouth about women being dumb I may lash out at her and rip out her tongue!

When I worked at my university as a grad assistant in the continuing eduation department I had my first exposure to how people lack common sense at times (like the one lady who wanted to know if she could fax me a check to pay a fee), some even struck me as having a few screws loose, but I wouldn't call them dumb or stupid. I may even say a few were ignorant, but ignorance is correctable. Stupidity can't be taught, and I can't say if I've ever met anyone who is beyond teaching. The only thing that keeps people from learning are two things: severe brain damage (like the brain is missing), and the biggest culprit of all is: the person's attitude toward learning.

Before I slither away for the night and sulk because my body threatens to menstruate but won't, I'd just like it to be known that if I had any Barbie dolls in my possession I would cheerfully mutilate them by cutting their hair and dressing them up in awful clothing like I would do as a little girl when I would get snarky feeling.

What's keen is I got some new Patricia K. doily pattern books in the mail, so maybe if I don't feel so evil I'll start one. Yesterday when I came home I found that the kittens had gotten into the thread christening gown I had started and destroyed it. I hadn't gotten very far, so I wasn' totally bummed out, and I had to fix a mistake I had made and was avoiding that, so perhaps the kittens were doing me a favor by putting it out of its misery?

One of these days I won't be talking about how I don't feel like crocheting and will actually be crocheting! Even with all of these new patterns I have to swoon over, I don't feel the spark of life within me. All I want to do is eat apples dipped in caramel sauce.

I fondue, do you?