Here Comes the Tuna!

Every morning there is a ritual. During the night the Tuna Boat sets sail to harvest only the cheapest, stinkiest grade of tuna available at my local Wal-Mart or Costco. Whatever falls into the massive net (old boots, hooves, a crusty sailor, 1950 Chevy, medical waste, and possibly tuna) is brought aboard and canned. In the morning the tuna trawler comes into port and the beasties (all but Theodore Montague) swarm the hallow cupboard where the tuna cans live.

A hand can-opener does the honor of releasing the sea-death smell from the Chicken of the Sea can. The beasties are trained to this sound. As I make my way to their dining area, all of them hover in my pathway—I am certain I will succumb to a painful landing on top of them one day, but for now I scream at them, "Don't make me fall on you! You all know you want me as your servant and to never evolve opposable thumbs!" OK, I only say the first part, but think the second in my mind.

For unknowable reasons, Theodore Montague joins in the meowing and hovering, but then will lay off away from his bretheren and watch them eat their allotment of heavy metals, sea death, and tuna. Mr. Doo only laps up the tuna juice and then has a morsel of the fish. Stash is usually the last to finish eating, while Mr. B and Smee typically get into a hiss-and-strike confrontation.

Experience the joy from my perspective with this QuickTime movie. Watch the tuna descend from the heavens! It is about 4MB in size.

If you have a slow connection you can play Guess Whose Tail? instead and submit your answers in the comments.