Not Good

I am panting and huffing. I just got back from a simple grocery shopping at Wal-Mart, nothing unusual, and I feel like someone has run me over. I didn't want to believe the doctor about taking a year to regain my health. That just feels like a very long time to feel normal again. I'm not even three months from my last surgery and I feel fatigued. My blood levels are fine as far as B-12 and iron. I am taking a multiple vitamin and mineral supplement and some Co-Enzyme Q10 for energy boost and so far no improvement.

If I don't come around by the end of the month, I'm going to have to seriously re-evaluate my return to school in January. Right now the idea of doing a 20 hr/wk internship sounds like working in the salt mines and it shouldn't be that way. It pains me though to have to remain dormant until next September to finish my degree. I feel like I'll get out of the loop.

I suppose the best thing would be, if I do decide I need more time to regain myself, is to find a volunteer position working in the field of mental health and get connected in the community. What's nice about a volunteer position is you can work as much as you can handle and nobody is going to get tweaky with you if you only stay for 4 hours, or your bag ruptures and you need to rush home.

I've been rock bottom before due to the nasty Rectal Dragon, but I've always bounced back with ease. Could the slow recovery be due to the fact I'm in the my 30's now? I know our bodies are much more resilient at age 18 than 33. I've also had many years of prednisone damage that hasn't totally gone away.

It sucks feeling like I should be out there moving with the speed of life only to get up off the couch, walk to the door, and start panting because I'm out of breath! That's my reality today. Panting. I could make crank phone calls as a heavy breather!

Well, the goodness in all of this is I bought the ceremonial Thanksgiving Turkey! Yes, a genuine Butterball™ not on sale, so it was 98¢/lb, and I got one in the 13 pound range. More bird than we need, but the single 10-pounder I could find looked sunken. As I was trying to scan bird weights I was overwhelmed with exhaustion and I struggled to pull the birds up to look at their tags. That's pathetic. I am no stronger than Mr. Burns!

Anyhow, I made it home and have discovered that my bag has ruptured again! It ruptured earlier this morning. This sucks! I went all of last week with a perfect seal that lasted 5-7 days. Now I can't keep a seal for more than 24 hours! But at least my ass isn't hurting me...I'd rather spring a leak than be back with a defunct rectum any day.