Almost Decided

Last night Pooky rubbed me down with some Cherry Almond body butter from Sensaria, and I spoke out loud what was on my mind. I am frustrated that my body is still healing and so going back to school and doing an internship just doesn't seem like I could accomplish it. If I push myself I am dead with exhaustion.

I feel that from this vantage point that there are more cons than pros to waiting until September to return to school. I don't think trying to get a part-time job would work as most employers aren't going to like hearing: I need sudden bathroom breaks and I may have to leave abruptly to go home (due to bag troubles). If I was already established with a long work history, this might not be a problem, but since I've never been healthy enough to do a 40 hr/week job, I'm sure it is rather plain that I'm not the model employee who never gets sick, never pees or eats, etc.

During the 9 months I could get caught up on my reading. I should be able to procure an internship in June when all of the positions open up again. Right now is a bad time to try to get one. I don't want to do an internship for 18 months. A year is plenty of time.

Yet, from now until September feel like a small eternity. Pooky says I could spend time editing and polishing his story. Maybe getting it published???

Even though there are more cons than pros to delaying school, I think that this is going to be my choice. I had hoped I'd be more recovered by now. I am upset that I'm not; I am trying to accept that this is where I am at, and that where I want to get is just going to take longer than I thought.

Maybe as the optimists say, that when I get there I'll know there was a reason for everything turning out the way that it has and how the future unfurls remains to be seen. I do trust in the Universe. I do believe in that schmaltzy thought that God gives us only as much as we can handle. {Though it would be nice if The Divine thought I could handle having a lot of money, LOL! Instead I get five cats ;-)!}

Pooky said not to worry about the finances. Somehow we'll make it. It will be tight, but we'll manage. I just hope more people want to get married during the off season months.

I see my doctor on Tuesday and I'll discuss it with him. He's a real easy going type of doctor. He's known me since I was 10 years old.

Now I just need to tell the school once they come back from holiday. I'm going to hate writing the letter, but I think it needs to be done. Dash it all! [insert mad emoticon here]