13 Reasons Why I Have Cats Instead of Kids

I've known since a very early age that I didn't want to have my own children; strangely, I have always wanted to adopt an older child. (I don't trust my genes. I just know my own offspring would be exactly like the relative I least get along with.)

I can recall when learning that people could go to college and earn a Ph.D. I knew that this is what I wanted to do most in life. So far I have one year left to earning my master's degree. I'm still deciding if I want to earn a Ph.D.

Currently I have 5 cats. Somedays this feels like too many, and others it feels like not enough. I still want to own a Siamese cat. But between Pooky and Mr. Doo, I think the addition of a Siamese is not going to happen soon.

The irony is, I have been looking for an internship for my marriage and family therapy degree in which I could work with children, adolescents, and their families. (I hopefully have finally secured one!) It's like how men want to become gynecologists (no, not because of THAT!). They will never really be able to totally relate their clients. Well, not exactly. I have the capability of one day adopting a child whereas a man can never become a woman—I think.

This list is tongue-in-cheek. I can also think of 13 ways in which cats and kids are alike. Perhaps that will be next week's list!

1. I have never been able to imagine someone calling me "mom" or "mother" or being someone's "parent".
2. Cats purr; children cry and scream.
3. Despite having a reputation of being high maintenance, a cat is pretty easy to take care of. A clean litterbox, full bowl of food, and endless ear scratches does the trick.
4. A cat comes with its own clothing, a very soft suit of fur.
5. A cat is self-cleaning. Most children are not until they leave home and even then some just become sloppy, messy adults.
6. Children need to be entertained. Often, a cat is the one who provides the entertainment.
7. When a cat becomes and adult it will never come to me and inform me of how I raised it all wrong and how it has spent the last five years in therapy.
8. Cats don't require babysitters.
9. Having a cat enter the bedroom while engaging in sex is not the same as having a child enter the room.
10. My cats are neutered so I don't have to ever worry about them getting a girl in trouble or catching a nasty disease. Neutering or spaying kids would be considered cruel and unusual punishment.
11. Cats are more adorable than kids.
12. A cat never outgrows sitting on laps and wanting to be loved and snuggled.
13. Cats are less finicky and picky than kids when it comes to eating. I'd like to see a kid eat the same kibbles day after day.