Me and My Shadow

Module 5 came in like a lion and out like a lamb. I was there last week spending 5 days of my life with my fellow comrades in training. On Thursday of Module was "Dress as Your Shadow" Day. The idea comes from Jung in that we all have a "shadow self', the dark part of our soul or personality that we keep hidden; the part of ourselves we are ashamed of, the piece we repress and seldom let out to the world for fear we'll be rejected, shamed, humiliated, and more.

I came to discover who my shadow self is at Module 4. In our first session of I-Group, after a day of lecture on the topic of affairs, I processed repressed feelings about my mother's infidelity in her marriage and I realized that I, too, could be an adulteress just like her. I identified myself as being like the maligned Hester Prynne from Nathaniel Hawthorne's The Scarlet Letter. Hester was a typical woman of her times, but she got lonely with her husband being unvailable, and she fell prey to the "Florence Nightingale" syndrome of falling in love with the man whom you nurse back to health. Making it worse is the fact she had sex with a man of God, the Rev. Dimmsdale.

Hester gave birth to their love-child, Pearl. Since her sin was very obvious, Hester had to wear a scarlet "A". She would not name the good reverend as her accomplice for she loved him and wanted to protect him. However, his guilt caused a "A" to appear on his chest, perhaps by Divine means.

That's Hester's story. My story is much more mundane. A picture or two was taken of me in my Hester outfit. I modernized her a great deal. Think of Hester Gone Goth. I made a very fancy felt scarlet "A" for myself and wore it. I was clad in a black corset and long, black flowing skirt. The outfit is something I'd wear if going out to a fancy dinner or semi-formal occasion. But that scarlet "A" really made the difference.

All I know is that some of the men at module looked me over for more than a couple of seconds, giving me a second look. Even some of the women gave me a double-take. Apparently my reputation is to dress comfortably which means of course I am non-sexy in my daily appearance. I dress to be warm and for 12 hours of comfort. Wearing a skirt and corset all day is neither warm nor very comfortable, or appropriate for classroom activities.

The irony of it all is that one of the first-year students, a man, came dressed as a reverend (or clergyman)! I so wanted to get our picture together and recruit someone to be our love-child for the photo-op! However, we never did get that Kodak moment. We did briefly see each other's costumes and we had a couple of laughs. I suggested later in the evening we could sell stones at $5 a pop, but only those without sin could use their stones. No refunds given. By stones at your own risk.

Hopefully my classmate with the camera, John, will have the photos taken of me in a little while. I hope my eyes aren't closed in the picture. I photographed with two other classmates who were also dressed up very spiffy.

It was a fun day to be my shadow. People looked upon me differently, not becuase of the adulteress theme, but because I revealed my inner femininity, my sexual being, and I'm assuming people liked what they saw because I noticed a lot of smiles on peoples' faces.