Only a Third of the Way There

I recently broke 50 client contact hours, which means I'm one-third of the way through my internship (for all intent and purposes). I've come to a very important realization: that I need to take some time out and recover and get refreshed so I can write my 20 page Theory of Counseling Paper (complete with APA formatting) and study for my orals exam on May 18th. Plus I have my third and final assessment to write, and two more modules of classes to attend and an end of the year party and then graduation for those forunate enough to have all of their internship hours complete.

If I am writing in run-on sentences, bear with me. My level of mental lint is so huge that my lint trap is gorged with fluff. I come home at the end of the day and find myself wanting to cry from exhaustion and frustration.

What I need is two solid weeks of nothing but Smee-love and a nice soft bed in a cave somewhere that will be filled with friendly little elves who will tend to my food needs and who will play with me when my strength returns. Smee will be there to lay upon my head and purr with love and that will send me into blissful dreams about being by a river where the sun is always shining just at the right angle and the trees give just the right amount of shade, and the air is filled with that heady pollen smell of spring.

Life as an intern will get better once I'm passed this crazy, mad rush of everything being due with my coursework. It's all coming down to the end and so much is at the end that can't be ignored. I suppose I should have planned better about having the time to work on my Theory Paper, but my hope has been to finally get enough client contact hours so that I'm not there until next April, but right now if that is what has to happen, I'm not going to fight it because I sure to miss feeling rested and relaxed.

I'm so fatigued that I'm starting to feel like I'm having a dissociative split, like everything is disconnected and groggy as if I took too much cold medicine. I live so much on caffeine that my body vibrates and then it whines if I don't keep filling it with more. I dread going into de-tox from all of the caffeine.

When I get fatigued I get cranky and it's been all I can do not to scream at certain parental clients, but then I remember to breathe and realize that screaming isn't going to solve anything, so I stare blankly at them with a deer in headlights kind of look. If this causes them to think I am incompetent so be it. Most of the time I do feel extremely incompetent and that all I do is project myself as being competent. I have this theory that if I think I'm competent then eventually I will become competent, only right now I'm not really that way. It's a paradox or something. Don't try to figure it out.

So yesterday, as part of my tremendous need for self-care, and because the cave and the forest where the elves live still eludes me, I opted instead for a little shopping therapy. I went to Shipwreck Beads and bought $60 worth of beading materials to make myself a lanyard for my name badge and office key. I bought an assortment of charms that reflect me and what I do. There aren't any "therapist" charms so I came up with other alternatives. When I get the lanyard strung up I'll post a picture of it.