We're certainly uncertain

I wonder what the future holds

Last week I wrote about divorcing and not knowing where life will take me or us. Many of you expressed your heartfelt thoughts, and I appreciate your words. I'm touched to know that so many of you care and empathize with the situation. It has been a difficult period--the uncertainty, the emotional depletion, the planning--while still trying to carry on with everyday life and get it all done. Much is in a state of transition. Much seems to be dependent upon John being promoted and moving to Yakima. Much is dependent on the house selling for a reasonable price and selling quickly. A lot is hinged upon things taking place that, what control we might have and what influence we might exert, has been offered up to the universe. We are now in the position to sit back and see what transpires. John interviewed for the promotion in Yakima. He should know soon if he will be offered the position.

I think I need time and space alone in which to be able to "think clearly", so even if the promotion doesn't go through, selling the house will allow us to spend time living apart. Both of us have realized we need to go to individual counseling. The outcome of that individual counseling may influence whether or not we work on the marriage. Sometimes we talk of still having a future together, but for me it still remains uncertain. I need to find my heart in this and understand the path that I want to travel and the implications of that path.

I recognize that I'm in a place in my life where being in a marriage is not what I want or need. Being in any kind of romantic relationship at this time is not what I need. My focus and passion lies in my work and if there would be any direction I would take it would be to establish myself in my career and begin the steps to become a foster parent. I am acquiring the tools and skills for parenting and I am motivated to take on the commitment of foster caring for kids. This path is far more appealing to me than finding a soulmate or life partner. My view on having such a person in my life is that "they would be in my way" of accomplishing what I want to do in regard to career and foster parenting.

I have faith that everything will fall into place when it needs to. Life unfurls each moment and I'm along for the ride. Whatever will be, will be.