Dear Beloved Pooky (aka Pooka-beast, P-Cake, and Sir Hiss),

I know you are a busy Loving Husband who doesn't have the time to purchase his Darling Wife a special gift that will make her feel appreciated for the domestic activities that she engages in (and truly despises doing), such as making sure there are groceries in the house, a hot dinner to come home to, clean toilets, happy cats, tamed laundry, mostly clean floors, and a peaceful and quiet evening in which to decompress from the stress of working at the Orange Box.

Therefore, on your behalf, I treated myself to a little gift that I know you would have purchased for me if you had the time. The threads that I picked out will be used to make the doilies that I plan on entering into this year's Fair. These doilies will never be used but admired under the safety and protection of glass and a highly sensitive security system utilized by fine art museums.

Thus, when you see the charge on the credit card (yes, I know we agreed not to make purchases without consulting each other) you can pat yourself on the back for being a Kind & Loving Husband who treats his Darling Wife very well. A happy wife is a good thing to have!

Lovingly Yours,
Pip

P.S. If I take first place the prize money will pay for my gift. So think of this as an investment.