Recently in beasties Category
We all knew it was just a matter of time before the plastic surgery craze would extend into the realm of beautification of pets. Mr. Doo has been feeling less evil thanks to those annoying black spots filling in his right eye, and he thinks that the new, Godzilla-lizard eye look is just the cat's meow!
Mr. Doo, armed with a brand-new credit card, located a questionably reputable low-cost plastic surgeon to have his eyes done. He now joins the ranks of other aging celebrities who seek out cosmetic improvements all in the name of fashion and trend-setting.
You Bet Your Ass Ming Does Chicken Right!
In the quest to improve statues or likeness of famous people, Ming now graces the eerie fiberglass, characterized likeness of Colonel Sanders, fried chicken maven.
Ming has powers that far exceed The Colonel. She recently stopped a tornado from touching down in Wilson, and directed it instead to nearby Goldsboro. Ming is a Force of Nature, whereas Col. Sanders is merely a man in a white suit with a string tie.
Ming knows the secret 11 herbs and spices to the famous KFC recipe because she is omniscient, and she attended the C.I.A. (aka Culinary Institute of America).
Before clicking away from this page, take a moment to truly stare at the new and improved Colonel Sanders Ming to fully appreciate the out reaching arms that are frozen in air. Is Ming trying to lure you in for a hug, only to chomp down on your neck, killing you instantly? Or is Ming luring you in so she can Kentucky fry you?
Abe vs. Ming
Out in the middle of almost nowhere in Laramie, Wyoming, is a giant head of Abe Lincoln. It's kind of spooky, creepy, and just a little disconcerting to come upon this giant Abe amidst the trees.
I wonder how it might look to replace the giant Abe head with a giant Ming head. Some advantages to the giant Ming head would be:
- Eyes that glow in the dark when light shines upon them. I'm sure that would cause many a car to swerve off the road at night!
- Warning sounds in the form of Ming's various meows. The statue is located on a mountain, so when snowy, icy, or other poor conditions apply, just flip a switch and Ming will give you ample warning.
- Ming is equipped to purr, thus you know when she is happy and content. I'd hate to think of what sound Abe makes when he's happy and content!
- Abe has dull, omnivore teeth whereas Ming comes fully armed with sharp, pointy fangs! Ming is related to the ancient saber tooth tigers. Need more be said?
- Ming has silky soft fur. Abe's beard looks coarse and scratchy.
- Large, triangular ears to hear distant sounds, plus a better range of hearing. I betcha dollars to donuts that Abe was pretty much stone deaf, even though he had pretty big ears!
She'll Be Missed
Silver "Sassy McKat", official Shrone Spokescritter, passed away yesterday. She lived a full, sassy life of 16 years, and was a fine companion to my sister and brother-in-law. Whenever I'd visit them, Silver would make an appearance, slinking her way into the room, and then would give one of her trademark sassy vocalizations. Silver had the most softest fur I've ever felt. It was like petting silver. She was a wise Shrone. I know she has gone home to the Mother Ship.
On March 10, 2006, she was inducted into The Hall of Shrones. Her salient characteristics and entry into Shronedom are remembered:
Silver Sassy McKat is the Uknowable Shrone cat of Elle Marz. Silver has kitten fur though she is about 14 human years old. Her photo was artificially created because there is no way anyone could put a turban on her.
- She has three phases like the moon: blue="love me, pet me, make me drool"; pink="SASSY!"; yellow="rawlf on your shoe". She has a rare purple phase which indicates contact with the "mother ship".
- She doesn't meow...she sasses: "neeerrrr"
- She is gray..what more be said
- She drools
- She had gone out cruising for penis prior to her spaying.
- She is unknowable.
- She walks around the bed widdershins to ward us from harm
- She shoots through the cat-door at near light-speeds after using litter box.
- She's one groovy cat and I think she's super cool!
- She hasn't killed her inner kitten and she freely allows it out to play.
She is survived by her feline companions, Stormy and Butter, and well as her human companions, Elle and B.
The Lady and The Lord
I've taken in two foster cats, both are about 7 months old. I've nicknamed them (their original owner said that I could give them nicknames) today. They are now Lady Aster and Lord Baltimore. Lord Baltimore is the black, Lady Aster is the orange.
Lady Aster is a purring machine! She purrs so loudly that I'm sure she can be heard in another room. She is also very affectionate. Lord Baltimore is very gassy. He has stinky farts! But he is a sweetie. He has an extra toe on each front paw so it looks like he has these huge thumbs!
There are six cats in the house--again. This is entirely too much cat to human ratio. My lap is not my own anymore. If I sit on the couch I am soon to be visited by something with four legs and fur. When I sleep at night I am hemmed in with cats all around. If it weren't for John calling me, on a daily basis my only conversations would be one-sided with the cats. At what point to I start adding to my name "Lori M. Carlson, Crazy Cat Lady"?
Last night Pooky and I were eating some accumulated leftovers for our respective dinners. I went with the cheesy bites pizza from Pizza Hut and he was enjoying the teriyaki from our favorite teriyaki restaurant. Now, being I am a dedicated feline maintenance worker, Mr. Doo typically either lays on the table next to me or he perches himself like a vulture and looms over my meal plate. Last night was no exception. He was staring at my pizza and edging his nose onto my plate if I didn't keep up a high guard.
Finally, toward the end of eating I picked off a piece of the ham (he loves ham by the way—he will abdicate his little feline soul for ham) and gave it to him. I often will share little bits of my food with him because he patiently waits for it. He doesn't exactly steal my food but he is nonetheless a snark.
Everything was as it should be. Mr. Doo took his ham and ate it, then all of a sudden he made a "yak" sound (he seldom yaks) and up he threw the ham piece back onto my dinner plate along with a chunk of cat fur! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Yuck! Mr. Doo seldom has furballs so I was both surprised by the regurgitation of one and his incredible aim of landing it right on my plate! Thankfully none of my food was on the plate!
I'm not the faint of heart type of person; with all of my bowel issues I've seen, smelled, and tasted some bodily fluids that most people don't have the 'pleasure' of knowing, but seeing that furball on my plate where food had been was enough. Dinner ended abruptly.
As for Mr. Doo. He was all right. He then joined us as we attempted to slaughter each other playing Scrabble using Scrabble dictionairies. There was no further incident of yaking.
Queen of the Lizard People
Take me to your leader
Space Alien Ming
I'm not a germ, I'm not a bug
