Recently in the scoop Category

Our new realtor has created a website for the marketing of our home.
The website I created about the history of our house can be viewed here.

www.bickfordhome.info

This coming Friday morning I depart for Raleigh and will spend about 11 days out in North Carolina to cat-sit for John while he is doing some ASM training in Tampa. Meanwhile, back at Chateau Pearl, someone will watch the cats here. Don't ask me to explain this geographical musical chairs for cat-sitting. The bonus is that by Saturday John and I will be sitting in The Angus Barn and I will be hoping to spot Chef Royal.

My heart flutters just thinking about going to what I've come to call The Steak Barn, although it is The Angus Barn. On the menu is chateaubriand. This is by far the best cut of beef to savor. That initially drew me under the Angus Spell, but then I noticed on the appetizer menu that there was an oddity: Ostrich Satay with Peanut Sauce. The description noted that it's Chef Royal's Iron Chef creation. What?!?!?

Then I did the research. Chef Royal was invited to challenge Iron Chef Cora and the secret ingredient was ostrich. He was the winner! Now this has me fallen into a culinary fantasy: Chef Royal will come to our table to ask us how the chateaubriand tastes, and what do we think of the ostrich satay? I'll swoon and then insist on having my picture taken with culinary greatness, and I'll profusely tremble as I hand him a pen and piece of paper, humbly requesting an autograph. The reality of my little dream is that more than likely, Chef Royal is ensconced in some location not at the restaurant. I'll settle for the privilege of photographing my meal for blogging. I can still dream, though, as they are entirely free of charge.

Other planned dining experiences include returning to NY Pizza, and I found a barbecue joint in Wilson that the Yahoo reviewers claim is "better than Bill's" so I'll have to check that out. It's called Parker's Barbecue. We plan on hitting Steak n' Shake in Raleigh, too. I may explore to find locally owned burger joints, as my quest for the perfect cheeseburger is always in progress.

Stay tuned for photos of food and tales of my upcoming adventures!

The Lady and The Lord

I've taken in two foster cats, both are about 7 months old. I've nicknamed them (their original owner said that I could give them nicknames) today. They are now Lady Aster and Lord Baltimore. Lord Baltimore is the black, Lady Aster is the orange.

Lady Aster is a purring machine! She purrs so loudly that I'm sure she can be heard in another room. She is also very affectionate. Lord Baltimore is very gassy. He has stinky farts! But he is a sweetie. He has an extra toe on each front paw so it looks like he has these huge thumbs!

Smee has not been very pleased at the presence of the guests, but Ming has realized that there are two new frisky playmates to zoom through the house with. Mr. Doo and Mr. B are rather nonchalant about the whole thing.

There are six cats in the house--again. This is entirely too much cat to human ratio. My lap is not my own anymore. If I sit on the couch I am soon to be visited by something with four legs and fur. When I sleep at night I am hemmed in with cats all around. If it weren't for John calling me, on a daily basis my only conversations would be one-sided with the cats. At what point to I start adding to my name "Lori M. Carlson, Crazy Cat Lady"?

What has happened since I returned from North Carolinian adventures? Well, I haven't suffered horribly from Bojangle's French Fry Seasoning withdrawals since I purchased a 4-pack prior to my departure. This stuff is wonderful, though packed with MSG. I'm sure the MSG is what makes it so delicious.

I've been mostly moping around and coming to terms with the marital woes John and I have been working through. Feeling broken-hearted, along with it being the depth of winter, has created a mood for me that is sometimes dark, dank, and difficult to slog through. It feels like I'm going through a purging process to do away with all of the old parts of me, like The Lizard parts of me.

Another thing that has been consuming me is the wonderful prospect that my days of being an intern are almost over. I will end everything on the 30th--close out my cases, say good-bye to colleagues, and ride off into the sunset. What happens next? is a "to be continued" adventure.

I'm going back out to North Carolina around the 1st of February through the 12th. During my visit I'll meet with a prospective supervisor. I have been working on completing my application for an Associate Designation License. I've updated my resume. I need to write a cover letter that can be tweaked depending on the job. The question that lingers in the back of my mind is, "Am I really ready for the next phase of being a therapist?" which means so much more than working and getting paid for that work. It looks like my next phase is doing more agency work to get my hours in for licensure. I'll still be a grunt, but a paid grunt. And I'll have to put in more hours each week. I have to confess that putting in just 5 hours or so per week is very nice.

The most important thing I've been doing since the New Year is spending quality time with Smee. Upon my return Smee has pasted himself to my chest and we have had long purring snuggle sessions in which we transcend feline-human barriers. There are times where I'm pretty sure I can read Smee's mind and most definitely he can read mine since it is a simple, human brain. His brain is far more complex and mysterious, much more challenge to discern and interpret.

This weekend I took on two foster kitties to tend to. They are making themselves at home with the gang. If the whole therapist career tanks I think I may have a lucrative future as a foster cat parent. I never tire of feline love, swooning and doting on them, catering to their needs and whims. On those days when I just stay in my pajamas and don't bother to brush my hair, it brings me one step closer to being that Crazy Cat Lady that lies not-so-dormant inside of me. Sometimes I do talk to the cats, but mostly I just sing songs of praise to them.

When I'm out in NC there will be more photos and more of everything. We'll be going to The Angus Steak Barn to see what kind of beefy goodness can be found to fill out tummies. Stay tuned for that!

In Need of a Vacation

I think of my upcoming two-week visit to North Carolina as my vacation and reward for getting my master's degree. The trip was paid for by Home Depot. They are paying for some of my meals, too, so I shall try out some of the local burger and barbecue joints in the Raleigh area.

My focal point will be the Raleigh area, but I'll also be spending a week of aunty goodness in Pinehurst where I will once again see my nieces and nephew. I have some loose plans for memory-making and fun with them. They are at that age of prime fun. They all like cats, too. This is a good thing. They all have a creative streak running through them, too. I shall exploit their like for creation. Maybe we'll paint a mural on one of the walls in their house? No, I think my brother would kill me.

John's been out in the Wilson area for a month now and reports he has found no decent burgers. I am hoping that in the Raleigh area we'll fair better. I have a sense of finding a good burger about me, as well as detecting which restaurants will be worth stepping foot into. I'm determined to find a decent steak, too. I'm on a rampant beef-kick.

My camera will go with me to capture the adventures. Last year's adventures I turned into a photobook. I treasure that time. A lot of good memories were made.

What I don't like is having to pack, and I shall have to pack today. What to take!?!?! It seems like there are more and more electronic gadgets traveling with me. The new iTouch we got will replace my having to lug around the laptop. As long as there is a free wi-fi connection I can check e-mail, surf the Net, and watch movies. I need to download a couple of movies for the flight.

Maybe traveling on Christmas Eve won't be so bad. Most people will have reached their destinations. I'm crossing my fingers that the Denver airport stays above freezing. Nothing like frozen wings on aircraft to snarl travel plans. But I shall take a carry-on bag with a change of clothes, plenty of ostomy supplies, and maybe a snack or two to make it through the lean times of not having access to food.

Oh, and of course I shall be taking my doily projects. The self-imposed PK challenge cannot end! I just found out she has a new book out! OMG! It's fantastic!

It's sinking into my brain that tomorrow morning I'll wake up, get ready to go to the Bastyr campus in Seattle toting my gown and hood with me and that this is the last day I'll just be me. On Tuesday when I go back to my internship I'll be able to sign my name followed by M.A. I'll no longer be a clinician intern. I'll be technically a therapist, but not licensed. Licensing is still many more years ahead of me.

For now, as I stand at the threshold, I ponder about the oddest things. One being is that John who started this journey with me will not be there for the moment I'm handed my ceremonial diploma. It speaks of how the journey I embarked on three years ago has physically and emotionally disconnected us.

My hope was that going into this field would strengthen my relationships--truly make me "a master" at understanding relationship dynamics and having some influence, skills, and ability to have happier, healthier and more satisfying relationships. I have the tools that I sought to acquire but still some of my relationships have been strained or blown apart. The losses are matched by gains. Members of my family that I hadn't spoken to in more than a decade are now part of my life and those relationships have taken root.

There is one new friendship that I have gained that has sustained me through the dark, difficult times. She was unable to continue the journey with me and our fellow classmates.The greater world would benefit from her keen mind, caring heart, and compassionately listening ears. When I think of how the only true friend I made from graduate school just so happens to be one of the few who wasn't able to continue on the same path. She continues her studies in a way that she can.

There were times where I doubted that I'd make it to this moment--not because of my surgeries and the complications--but that the experiences the program put me through took me to the edge of myself and stretched me out. I feel purged and renewed, yet still my same old self. I'm just more aware of my flaws, shadows, strengths, and powers. I feel more confident and assured, but I also feel more sorrow and sadness.

I put forth a prayer at the start of my second year to bring forth into my life all of those people who would join me on my journey to become a therapist. They have joined me and honed me. This prayer will continue and not expire until I draw my last breath for everyone I meet continues to hone and shape the becoming of myself. In turn I hone and shape them in their becoming.
 

The journey has been interesting; it feels most like a sacrifice. I have obtained something big, accomplished quite the achievement. I don't know what to make of it all just yet.

At the end of the block

I awoke this morning to find that the flood waters were at the end of our block! It turns out that a dike either ruptured or that the river spilled over the dike that keeps my neighborhood dry.

I'm literally on an island--I am safe and sound with electricity, heat, cable, and phone. However, my neighbors just across the street from me aren't so fortunate. I've never been THIS CLOSE to a natural disaster, and I feel blessed and sad. Sad because of what has happened to the community and my neighbors, blessed because I have been spared.

The flooding is such a big deal that ABC World News has covered it. I didn't explore very far around the block because there were enough people trying to evacuate, and emergency personnel were doing their job, no need for me to be in the way. I took some pictures and posted them to my gallery.

It looks like from what I can tell that the local Wal-Mart business area has been deluged. This area includes the Home Depot, Michael's, Applebee's, and a brand-new Walgreens that hasn't even opened yet. That isn't the only place to suffer damage--the businesses all along I-5 are flooded. It's surreal. The news says that 40% of Centralia homes have been flooded. I bet that the percentage for Chehalis is greater.

It's going to be awhile before all of life gets back to normal. My heart goes out to those whose lives have been thrown this curve ball.

O, I wish I was in the land of cotton

John was made a job offer for Wilson, North Carolina. He'll be part of a new concept store that is scheduled to open early next year. He'll be one of the assistant store managers. He plans on leaving for Wilson around November 12th. He's going to take Teddy and Stash with him as it has been determined that I am not capable of soothing Teddy's nerves or meeting his needs. Teddy requires snuggling into John's beard on a regular basis, and even though I have one of those weird hairs sprouting on my chin that an old lady gets, it shows no promise of becoming a beard.

And since Teddy needs a companion, Stash was the most logical choice since Stash and Teddy play a lot together and he also often goes to John for lap-love.

If all goes according to plan, I will fly out during the last week of the year to visit and check out Wilson. It looks like a nice community from what I have been able to find on the Internet. The photo postcard shows the town back "in the day". I'm sure today it looks more like the typical Generica common to most large cities with strip malls, mega-stores, etc.

Internship Hours Done?

I think I've completed my internship hours! The reason I'm not certain is that when I was entering my hours for the week into my spreadsheet file, it didn't register with me to look to see how many hours I had accumulated, and I kept looking at "154" thinking I still needing 6 more hours! But I'm pretty sure that my hours are now completed! What sucks is that my hours toward licensure won't count until my degree is posted. I officially graduate December 10th, which is a Monday. What a weird day for a graduation!

The job offer for Yakima was given to someone else. There could be a million reasons behind the scenes that we don't know about as to why John wasn't given the job. I'd like to think positively about those reasons. I have trust and faith that things will work themselves out as they are supposed to, that everything will settle into place.

One thing that I hunch that could be contributing is that neither of us have a very clear sense of the future and what it is that we want. Being open is a good thing, but I think the universe requires a little more sense of direction from us before that nebulous sense of everything can fall into alignment.

Based upon my experience of things falling into place, they only fell into place once I had a distinct sense about what it was that I wanted to do. And I have no strong sense of what I want to do. I have stronger senses of what I don't want to do. I don't like figuring out what I want to do as a result of knowing what I don't want to do. Seems like that is not a very certain or determine or passionate way to make a decision.

I wonder what the future holds

Last week I wrote about divorcing and not knowing where life will take me or us. Many of you expressed your heartfelt thoughts, and I appreciate your words. I'm touched to know that so many of you care and empathize with the situation. It has been a difficult period--the uncertainty, the emotional depletion, the planning--while still trying to carry on with everyday life and get it all done. Much is in a state of transition. Much seems to be dependent upon John being promoted and moving to Yakima. Much is dependent on the house selling for a reasonable price and selling quickly. A lot is hinged upon things taking place that, what control we might have and what influence we might exert, has been offered up to the universe. We are now in the position to sit back and see what transpires. John interviewed for the promotion in Yakima. He should know soon if he will be offered the position.

I think I need time and space alone in which to be able to "think clearly", so even if the promotion doesn't go through, selling the house will allow us to spend time living apart. Both of us have realized we need to go to individual counseling. The outcome of that individual counseling may influence whether or not we work on the marriage. Sometimes we talk of still having a future together, but for me it still remains uncertain. I need to find my heart in this and understand the path that I want to travel and the implications of that path.

I recognize that I'm in a place in my life where being in a marriage is not what I want or need. Being in any kind of romantic relationship at this time is not what I need. My focus and passion lies in my work and if there would be any direction I would take it would be to establish myself in my career and begin the steps to become a foster parent. I am acquiring the tools and skills for parenting and I am motivated to take on the commitment of foster caring for kids. This path is far more appealing to me than finding a soulmate or life partner. My view on having such a person in my life is that "they would be in my way" of accomplishing what I want to do in regard to career and foster parenting.

I have faith that everything will fall into place when it needs to. Life unfurls each moment and I'm along for the ride. Whatever will be, will be.